Celebrating Pride!

Bachelor Nation fans first met Connor Brennan on Season 17 of “The Bachelorette,” and he went on to appear on Season 7 of “Bachelor in Paradise.”

During his time on the Bachelor Nation shows, fans noticed that Connor wore a trans Pride anklet.

While Connor didn’t get a chance to discuss the meaning behind his Pride anklet on screen, he stopped by for an exclusive chat with BachelorNation.com about his allyship and why LGBTQ+ issues are so important to his family.

Connor opens up about his sister’s transition, how his family has supported her, and more.

Check out our full interview below!

Bachelor Nation: First and foremost, happy Pride and thank you and your family for your openness to chat about your allyship with us. Can you tell us a little bit about the trans flag anklet you wore while filming the Bachelor Nation shows?

Connor Brennan: Absolutely. My family was all really excited about the opportunity to share our story, so I’m really excited to talk with you. Ah, the anklet — I forget where I got it from. I think my mom bought them for us. I wanted to have it on because I knew I was going to be far away from my family for a while and it was a little reminder of what’s important to me and what’s important to my family. It was also a way to show support for the trans community, but it was a personal reminder for me that my family has a beautiful story regardless of whatever craziness was going to happen on the show. It was a reminder of home and my family. I didn’t think anyone would notice it, actually, but they did! I know a lot of people who go on the show may not have had a personal interaction with someone who’s trans, so I wanted to chance to talk about allyship on the off chance that it got brought up. If someone noticed the anklet, I wanted to be able to show my support and share why it’s important to me.

BN: Love that! Did you get a chance to share at all with Katie or any of the other guys in the house?

CB: What’s funny is that I was going to bring my family and my sister’s story up with Katie during our one-on-one dinner date, but if you watched my season, you know that I got sent home right before that. We had our day portion of the date, but I didn’t make it to dinner to share the story of my family and why LGBTQ+ allyship is so important to me. I wanted to see if that was also something that was important to her because that’s huge for me in a partner. I’m grateful to be able to share now, though!

BN: Yes, us too! What does Pride Month mean to you as an ally?

CB: It means a lot of different things to me. The first thing that comes to mind is that it’s a celebration of a beautiful community that desperately deserves to be celebrated. Month after month and year after year, they have people pushing against them in legislature and in everyday life. So Pride is an opportunity to celebrate and be like, “Hey, the LGBTQ+ community rocks and they are awesome.” There are lots of forces in the world trying to eradicate the community or change the community, but instead we are going to come together and realize that we have beautiful things in our lives that those people pushing against us will never have. It’s a celebration of love, joy, acceptance, and letting everyone know that they are not alone. It’s a time to get loud and be vocal. Outside of the happy and fun Pride celebrations, I also remember that Pride came from a riot and from protests. There are a lot of radical aspects of Pride and we celebrate now to continue to push back, create change, and not let anyone walk all over the community.

BN: All so true and well said. Are you open to sharing a little bit about your sister’s story?

CB: Absolutely. My sister Deirdre came out to our family as trans back in 2017. She was on Christmas break and we were all back at home in St. Louis. She had already told me but wanted to come out as trans to my parents. She had been home for a week or two but hadn’t been able to get up the courage to tell them. So on her way out, she was standing there in the doorway and just started sobbing. She tried to talk but couldn’t for 10 minutes, and my parents said, “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.” She finally told them that she is trans and that she’s a woman and my mom just said, “Okay. Everything is great. We’ll figure it out.” My dad’s reaction was best, though. He took a second and then looked at her and said, “Okay, is this going to make you happy?” and my sister said yes, and he just replied, saying, “Okay, great. Well, we love you no matter what. Now I gotta go mow the lawn.” It was so amazing because it was casual, and while it took us some time to educate ourselves, now we know it should just feel as normal as that. Being trans is a part of life; it’s not some big showstopping thing. I want to try to teach people that because it’s a beautiful, normal part of everyday life. Just because it might not be how you experience the world doesn’t mean it’s not real.

BN: Yeah, that’s such an important bit. Do you feel like your allyship has changed since your sister’s transition?

CB: Oh, my gosh, yeah. I mean, that’s sort of what ignited my allyship. I have always considered myself an ally and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, but I was in kind of a backseat role. I had the massive privilege of being able to do that and not have to face hate in my everyday life because of who I am or who I love. Looking back, I wish I would’ve been a better advocate back then, but once it was my family and my sister, everything changed. I am fiercely protective of my family and my sister. They are my everything and my entire world. Suddenly, I realized that people wouldn’t want my sister to exist just because of who she is and that was maddening. My mom really stepped up with educating herself first and the rest of the family followed suit. Even five or so years ago, when my sister came out as trans, there was not a lot of good representation of the trans community. In like ’90s sitcoms, trans folks were just the butt of the joke, like when you watch “Friends,” and that was the only representation I’d seen. So when it was a person I loved coming to me and telling me this, I knew it was real. My sister is one of the smartest people I know. She’s incredible. So we dropped everything and read every website on the Internet about being trans and what it meant to be a supportive family member. My mom Lisa Brennan even wrote a book about it called “Treasuring My Transgender Child.” I’ll include the link here so you can check it out. You hear so many horror stories and sad stories of people’s families who aren’t supportive, so my mom wanted to share our story of love and acceptance and hopefully show others that great things can happen when you have a trans family member.

BN: Connor, that’s incredible. We can’t wait to get a copy of your mom’s book! What was your personal journey like when it came to educating yourself about LGBTQ+ issues?

CB: I’ll be honest; it was hard at first. It wasn’t just, like, drop-of-a-hat change because it’s someone I’ve known for 22 years that I thought was my little brother and that’s how I thought of her for my whole life. If I’m being totally candid, my mind pushed back at first and said that can’t be true. But I started to realize that everyone is the expert on themselves; who am I to tell someone that who they are is wrong? People try to impose their own worldview on everyone else and that’s really self-centered. The only way to live isn’t just your one lens. We can’t know everything, so I had to step outside of my own life experience. Unfortunately, many others refuse to do that, but that’s where I started. My mom really led us all and I started unpacking and unlearning on my own. People have this weird tendency, that I hope will start to go away, that they feel like they are losing someone. Like at first, I felt like I was losing a brother, like he was dying, which is so dramatic and it does not have to be like that. I am upset at myself that I even felt that way, but that’s how I felt in the moment. I quickly started to realize though that my sister was the exact same person, just happier. That was the key thing that helped it click for me. It’s not this whole other person, she was just herself and finally happy. How could I not want someone so important to me to be happy?! Once we started to use her proper pronouns and she started to express her gender freely, she lit up and really came into herself. I could truly see her glow. My sister and I have always just been really silly and stupid together and she was still the same person, just way more joyful, so we have even more fun now. Trans affirming families, health care, etc., can really be lifesaving because I saw it firsthand.

BN: That’s really beautiful. You and your sister are so lucky to have each other. Now that you’ve educated yourself, do you find yourself often educating others in your life?

CB: Oh, yeah. The cool thing is, I try to make it very normal and casual. If someone brings it up, I just really casually mention that she’s trans. It’s not this whole “sit down I need to tell you something” thing. One of my favorite stories was from when I was teaching eighth-grade math and we were talking about initials. They were all trying to see who had the best initials and I mentioned that my sister’s initials are D.A.B., like the dab, the dance move. Her name is Deirdre Anne Brennan and all the kids thought it was so cool. They asked if my parents named her that on purpose for those initials and I mentioned that she actually got to pick her own name because she’s trans and she chose those initials on purpose. The kids thought it was so cool and it wasn’t some big conversation about being trans or anything. It should be just that, a very normal part of life.

BN: What a great story! Has your outlook changed at all now that there is an influx of anti-trans bills?

CB: Yeah, it’s been really tough. This past year, there has been so much awful legislation against trans people and it can honestly be really discouraging. We’re from southern Illinois near St. Louis, and my sister just moved across the river to Missouri. Missouri has some really terrible anti-trans legislation going on right now. It’s so hard because I’ve finally gotten to see my sister be herself, which has brought her so much joy, but every time a new bill comes up, it really deflates her. It’s a reminder that, well, it’s a reminder that people wish she was dead. That’s really what it comes down to. They are trying to legislate trans people out of existence. Call it what you want to call it, but they just really wish trans people would disappear. I’m getting emotional now just talking about it and I feel my blood boiling because it’s been really tough on us. We talk about it, but we try not to dwell on it too much because it gets really overwhelming. We do what we can to push back against it and try to be voices for trans representation, but yeah, we are in a really tough time legislatively. My mom continues to go to meetings in St. Louis and does talks at colleges and churches to be a voice. We have hope that most people don’t feel the way that those really loud, angry voices feel. Unfortunately, though, many of them hold positions of power. It can feel like the world is against us, but really, it’s just a small group of assholes. I also think that some of them don’t even actually care — they are just trying to get votes and stay in office. We’re trying to stay loud and stay positive.

BN: Hopefully there are more and more families like yours out there!

CB: Yeah, the cool thing is, it’s not just our immediate family. We thought that it would be some huge deal with our extended family and we’d have to pull back, but we have been really lucky that they have all been supportive. We have done our best to educate our extended family and friends, but I think just knowing my sister, they trust that she is freaking smart as hell and they are all on board with who she is. So if one person comes at her online, she just doesn’t care. It doesn’t affect her because she’s supported by everyone in her life. It’s so important that if you have someone close to you who is trans or LGBTQ+, show them support. Knowing they have even just one person in their corner could make a major difference. My mom told me a statistic once that if even one person in a trans person’s life supports them it can cut the suicide rate in half. Be that one person.

BN: So true. What else can Bachelor Nation fans do to be allies to the LGBTQ+ community?

CB: I have quite a few ways. A lot of these we already discussed throughout this conversation, but I’ll round up a little list. First, I’d say everyone can take a second and realize that their experience is not the only perspective that exists. There are other ways of existence and even if it doesn’t make sense to you, doesn’t mean it’s not valid. You might not understand what it feels like to be queer or trans, but maybe in small ways you can realize things in your life that make you feel like who you are and recognize that everyone has those things for themselves, even if they aren’t the same as yours. Second, you can be a better ally by recognizing that trans people just want to exist and be happy. That’s literally every trans person I know. They are no threat to anyone else’s way of life. The threat is against THEM. They just want to be happy. That’s literally it. Third, trust that people are the experts on themselves. It’s not some fad or some cool thing. If someone is telling you something about themselves, trust that they are the expert on their own experience. If they are telling you what their pronouns are, they know themselves better than you do. It’s not hard to use the pronouns they are telling you. It is a really beautiful way to show your support. Be the person who gets it right because they will feel safer around you and you can set an example for others in your life. And lastly, if someone comes out to you, just know that they are still them just happier and more free. That is a beautiful thing, and you should celebrate that.

BN: What amazing advice to being better allies. Thank you so much, Connor, for your time and thank you to you and your family for the permission to share your story.

Check out Connor’s mom Lisa’s book “The Auditorium in My Mind: Treasuring My Transgender Child” at the links here and here.