Jordan Kimball's Best 'Bachelor in Paradise' Quotes

Jordan Kimball is back, baby!

The “Mayor of ‘Paradise” has returned to the beach in Mexico — or, as he calls it, “my playa.” Most of the time, where Jordan goes, drama follows. Monday night’s episode of “Bachelor in Paradise” was no exception to that rule.

Jordan arrived not with a whisper, but with a whiff of tangerine salt hair spray. Even Chris Harrison couldn’t get enough of that scent! The 27-year-old made quite the impression on the beach. He even brought along his fair share of metaphors alongside his clothes in his suitcase.

These are some of Jordan’s best quotes from the episode.

  • “It’s weird to say I’m a veteran now, but your boy is salt-and-pepper seasoned.”

  • “I’m here to find love. I’m not going off just looks. I’m looking for the bone depth stuff that comes with a marriage, engagement. I’m gonna have to see what their laugh sounds like, because I’m going to have to hear that for the rest of my life. Do you wash your hands after la baño? Don’t be grabbing on my chest if you didn’t wash your hands.”

  • “It’s my beach. The mayor of Paradise is back. Tick-tock, let’s make it rock.”

  • “I’m not intimidated by anyone going into this. I’m going in, taking a hot chick on a date, and someone is gonna be calling me daddy by the end of this.”

  • To Hannah Godwin: “You’re a model, right? It’s cool that we’re into the same thing.”

  • “The conversation with Hannah was great. We’re both models so we’re like Barbie and Ken.”

  • To Nicole Lopez-Alvar: “I love words.”

  • “Blake one-nighted both of these gals like they were a couple of milk cartons at lunch.”

  • “Dylan’s not the problem — Blake’s the problem. He’s out here making love with half the cast out here. He’s putting his spoon in all the pudding! This is my playa.”

  • “Hannah deserves a good ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ and I’m a ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ legend. To be honest, I’m not impressed with these dudes. Dylan and Hannah are established, but establishments come down sometimes. We need some renovations.”

  • “I got 99 problems, but a chick ain’t one.”

  • “The Blake drama is like an onion and we’re just peeling away the layers. But we’ve got a whole garden back here. We’ve got tomatoes, we’ve got celery, and the vegetables are just growing out of all the bulls—t. Blake better get some clippers and start clipping because this s—t is crazy."

On Tuesday, Jordan and Demi Burnett became the ultimate “Paradise” dynamic duo as they described many of their friends on the beach as they walked past.

  • Jordan about Clay Harbor: “He’s the nicest guy, but you gotta have some swagger. Wearing white shoes in the sand — not okay.”

  • Demi on Cam Ayala: “Here’s Cam in his natural habitat: walking alone on the beach and sad. Who’s getting a rose this week? ABC: anyone but Cam.”

  • Demi on Chris Bukowski: “I feel like every night I watch Chris age 10 years as every hour goes by.”

  • Jordan on Chris: “Yeah he even has formaldehyde in his bag.”

  • Jordan on Christian: “Christian was a night 1 guy from Becca’s season. He was. The one who stood by the meatballs all night with the mustache. None of us actually knew his name. Christian’s not a bad looking guy, but a) he’s not a model, b) his personality sucks, c) he wore athletic shoes to ‘Paradise.’”

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